Monday, September 11, 2006

The Awful Truth About Guacamolẽ

It is my sad news to bring this to everyone, but I have learned how real guacamolẽ is made, and it is very, very tragic. This secret has been kept for many years, and needs to be let out.

It seems that Guacamolẽ is actually made not from avacados as most cooking shows on TV would lead you to believe, but from the smashes and liquified bodies of young guacamoles (gwak-a-mole (like the animal), pictured here. Guacamolẽ chefs hunt in the wilds of Mexico to find guacamoles younger than one year, as they are not only smaller and fit in the food processor, but are also much more tender. Chefs capture them ten or so at a time, and even in larger numbers if the menu calls for a lot of Guacamolẽ.

The young guacamoles are then smashed into a paste, with other spices added for taste. The accent at the end of the dish's name comes from the cries of the young animals as they are smashed. They give off a distress call that sounds erielly like 'olly!'.

Once the dip is done, it is served.

Please, next time you eat Guacamolẽ, remember the poor animals that were actually killed, and not that crappy plant that everyone thinks is used.

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